Megatron Hates Human Music
by NitroStation
Summary: A little idea I had during my daily 'dubstep music therapy'. The Nemesis is contacted by a strange signal, which leads to all sorts of mayhem...
1. Chapter 1

This came to be as I was writing a chapter for another fanfic of mine's. I like to listen to music while I write, specifically dubstep and drum & bass. Then I wondered how the Transformers would react to it...

xx

"Incoming transmission of unknown origin, Lord Megatron," an Eradicon called to his superior as the mysterious encrypted signal appeared on the drone's screen. Megatron, lost in wonderful daydreams consisting mostly of killing and dismembering Starscream, growled impatiently. "Then identify it, you dull-spark!" he commanded, nearing the Eradicon's workspace, so he was close enough to slap him if neccessary.

"It has a Decepticon-esque code, but the encryption is-" The drone was silenced by a back-hand across his helm from his pistoned-off leader.

"Play it anyway," Megatron ordered, to which the Eradicon obeyed.

At first, there was silence. Then, a series of tuneful notes faintly came into hearing range, slowly growing louder and more complex in the musical structure.

"What on Cybertron is this?" Megatron exclaimed, perplexed by this alien sound. Suddenly, fractured human voices joined in the noise- at least, they sounded human. Except no organic voice could sound like that...

The music steadily increased in volume, setting parts of the Nemisis vibrating from the intensity. It made Megatron nervous, that such a seemingly harmless signal could affect his ship in _any_ way. "Turn it off" he commanded, suceeding in keeping a worried tremor out of his voice. The noise persisted.

"I said, TURN IT O-"  
"Lord Megatron, the controls are stuck! I can't-" The confused Eradicon was given another punch in the armour. Similiar cries arose from all around the Control Room from the other Eradicons and Vehicons, complaining of their interfaces freezing and shutting off. Soundwave entered from the back of the room, attracted by all the ruckus.

In the background, now blaring all over the Nemisis, the music began to build up and rise to a crescendo...

"Soundwave, what in the name of Primus is happening?" Megatron practically screamed over the noise to his Communications Officer, who remained silent and shrugged his shoulder plates. Starscream burst into the room, crying in pain as his audio's were assualted by the music. "MAKE IT STOP!" he pleaded repeatedly to no-one in particular.

The noise grew higher in pitch and crowded with overlapping beats, until...

The Nemesis was almost blown apart as the pitch dropped to a near audio-destroying level, the resulting 'wub' sound crumpling the ship's infrastructure and blowing several engines out. The clouds themselves were pushed back as the airspace was bombarded with sound-generated shockwaves. Several Eradicons threw themselves off the ship to escape the cacophony and anarchy that the Decepticons had been overwhelmed with in the space of mere nano-klicks.

With the engines shot, the Nemesis spiralled downwards towards Earth, leaving a pillar of fire and smoke in its wake.

Megatron rubbed his pounding helm as his ship burned all around him, surrounded by his injured minions, Knock Out wailing nearby about his paint being scratched in the descent. Filled with unimaginable fury, Megatron roared to the heavens the only one he could think to blame:

"STAAAAAAARSCREAAAAAAAAAM!"


	2. Chapter 2

Megatron paced his quarters anxiously; Soundwave, Breakdown and Knock Out analysing a nearby screen. It had taken many weeks to salvage the remains of the Nemesis, and they'd had to resort to using Dark Energon as a jump-start, but the warship was finally operational again. The Decepticon's still had no idea how the signal they received destroyed the ship, or who had sent it. As usual, Megatron suspected the Autobots.

"Aha!" Knock Out exclaimed triumphantly, pulling a human website page onto one of the main screens. "Lord Megatron, I believe we have found what destroyed the original Nemesis." Megatron walked to his medic impatiently, staring up at the screen.

"Judging from the sound of the signal, I'm almost certain it was what the humans call 'electronica'. More specifically, 'dubstep'," Knock Out made air quotes around the strange fleshling word. "Breakdown, as it happens, is actually a fan of such things," Knock Out continued. "Soundwave, if you'd please." The Communications Officer nodded, and began to play an achingly familiar sound.

"That's it! The signal that ruined my ship!" Megatron said accusingly, expecting the walls to collapse around him.

"This is the music played at a volume most accustomed to human ears. The malicious one was at a volume so loud it would have burst the eardrums of any human in a 50 metre radius," Knock Out explained as his leader regained his composure.

"And just what is this 'dubstep?'" Megatron asked, saying the foreign word like a bad taste in his mouth.

"To the humans, it is a form of music. Made by their inferior computers, it consists mostly of deep bass lines, which cause vibrations." Megatron looked closely at the page titled 'Wikipedia' which described the subject of electronica in greater depth.

"Who are these 'Skrillex' and 'Dead Mau Five?'" he scorned the ludicrous names in his question.

"It's pronounced Dead Mou-" Breakdown began but was instantly cut off by a slap across the faceplate from Megatron.

"I don't give a frag how to say their silly names! It's obvious they are working with the Autobots, and that they intend to disrupt my plans! All that matters is that we destroy them once and for all!" Megatron concluded, leaving Breakdown with a smarting dent and an incredulous look about him.

"Lord Megatron, you can't be serious! These humans are-"

"Let it go, Breakdown," Knock Out interrupted his friend as Megatron set course for the Control Room, to command the Eradicons towards the homes of his new targets.

"But Knock Out, we can't let him kill those two!" Breakdown protested. "I'll die without my Dead Mouse!" A pleading tone had entered Breakdown's voice. Knock Out smirked knowingly at him.

"No need to worry. I.._changed _a few details onthe human's pages on that website. What was its motto, Soundwave?"

_"Wikipedia: The free encyclopedia that _anyone_ can edit," _Soundwave played the recording, which made Breakdown sigh in relief.

xx

Megatron chuckled evilly as the Nemesis approached the planet known as Mars. Wikipedia had explained thoroughly where the two Autobot-huggers were stationed, camped out on top of Mount Olympus. Of course he wasn't aware that humans couldn't even breathe on Mars, let alone live there, but what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him, right?

The Nemesis landed nearby, and the Eradicons began scouting the planet for any potential threats.

"This will be almost too easy," Megatron said as he patrolled the barren planet, the monstrous mountain looming in the distance.

Little did he know that something was happening in the bowels of the Nemesis. Something was awakening. Various screens flickered and reverted to a blood-red colour, barely noticed by the drones that remained inside. The walls groaned with a sudden new life, causing a recharging Knock Out to bang on the walls in annoyance, yelling at Soundwave to keep his YouTube videos to a low volume.

It was only when the ship began to lift off the copper ground that anyone noticed the Nemesis being literally hijacked before their optics. The scouting Eradicons began shouting up at the massive shadow about to abandon them, and Megatron was screaming as loud as his audials would allow him to. "STAAAAAAARSCREAAAAAAAAAM! YOU GIVE ME BACK MY SHIP OR PRIMUS HELP ME YOU'LL BE DRINKING ENERGON THROUGH A TUBE WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU!"

Alas, the now awake mind of Trypticon ignored the Decepticon's cries and headed for Earth, abandoning the small number of drones and Megatron on the red planet.

"Hey, where's Dreadwing?" one of the Eradicons asked his friend next to him, seemingly unbothered by the sudden isolation from the mothership.

"Didn't we leave him down on Earth?" the friend answered.

"Oh, he is gonna be _so pistoned off."_

xx

_So this was a bit of a crack-fic, but I made an effort have it make even a tiny bit of sense XD Think of it as an alternate version of Flying Mind._


	3. Chapter 3

_Well hello again, my lovely readers! It's been a while since I last updated this little crack-fic of mine's, but I've returned with a nice long chapter for you all! Considering the subject of this one, I don't think this can be called 'Megatron Hates Dubstep' anymore. Maybe 'Megatron Hates All Human Music' xD_

* * *

_'Oh, Lord Knock Out, you're truly a worthy Decepticon leader!' a veritable rainbow crowd of femmes gushed. _

_'I just want to cover you in energon!'_

_'Marry me and gut my husband!'_

_"I made a plastic cast of your pelvic armour to hug every night!"_

_'Now now, ladies, one at a time,' Knock Out stated calmly from atop his raised pedestal situated at the centre of grabbing and shoving femmes, with Megatron's head mounted on a pike nearby. 'I can't take you _all _at once, now can I? Even I don't have that much stamina.' Another wink sent them all screaming again, pushing and tripping over themselves to get one finger on Knock Out's glossy armour._

_'Well, I'm sure I could manage it with enough red energon,' he added considerably. By this point he was sure he was going to be knocked right off his platform with all the jostling below. Sure enough, a lean to the side sent him down into the countless groping arms of femmes shrieking his name. Wait, where they-oh Primus, they _were_ naughty. He didn't even mind the scratches and the constant bass beat drilling into his he-_

_Wait a minute._

Knock Out yelped as he fell out of his berth, banging his helm on the nearby desk and rudely awoken from his pleasant dream. The concussion didn't help the headache he had already acquired during his nap, and he muttered curses as he stumbled into the main corridor of the Nemesis. Now he'd have to deal with a constant thudding in his head while Megatron barked orders in his face.

Speaking of the big boss...

Knock Out dragged himself along the many halls of the ship, looking out for any Eradicons on patrol or Megatron himself.

_'Probably still out on Mars,' _he thought as the headache grew to an irregular repeated beating in his head that was driving him mad. It was like that wretched bass music that Breakdown just _loved_ to blast all night when Megatron wasn't around to hear.

As the doctor approached the command centre of the Nemesis, there was a dull voice leaking through the thick walls. It was muffled and sounded like complete gibberish, and only added to his discomfort.

The doors to the main ship foyer slid open and Knock Out was suddenly bombarded with indecipherable sounds and voices. It blasted into his audio receptors and he had to clamp his hands over them to stop his CPU from overloading. The whole room was dark, the windows covered and the only light emitting from the red computer screens.

"What in the name of Primus is going on here?!" he shouted over the harsh melody- if the noise could even be called as such. Soundwave was standing at one of the corners, still as if he'd been hit with the Immobiliser, and both Breakdown and a scowling Dreadwing were participating in what could only be described as a ritual to honour and call forth Unicron himself, with sporadically moving limbs and jerky motions, as if they were being controlled like puppets.

"Knock Out, the shi-" Breakdown started to say, but was silenced by a sudden rumble from the ship's intercom systems.

"I am Trypticon," the voice said, loud even over the incessant music. "And you are trespassing." Knock Out groaned and rubbed his helm, exasperated. He was hoping that the damages that the ship sustained during its leave of Cybertron eons ago would keep Trypticon in stasis indefinitely; he was insufferable even back then. Who knows how his personality had evolved over the centuries? _'It's too early in the morning for this...'_

"I have asserted my right to complete control over you_ inferior _forms, though I thank you for awakening me from my stasis. But now I must perform the task thus given to me by Lord Unicron himself."

_'Too fragging early in the morning...' _

"Would this task of yours so happen to be related to the current cacophony _destroying my audials as we speak?" _he yelled back, feeling as light-headed as ever.

"That is anything but a simple noise, you walking scrapheap," Trypticon relayed back, eliciting a scorned look from Knock Out and a large frown directed at him. "It is an encoded message crafted by the Chaos Bringer himself, transmitted to me to decrypt and decipher."

"I think you're mistaken, Trypticon," Knock Out said sceptically, suspecting the ship to have contracted a case of space madness. "Unicron was destroyed a mere number of months ago-"

"Lies!" Trypticon roared, causing more vibrations through the walls. "You did not kill Lord Unicron. He is immortal. And I shall be the one to herald his great return. His message shall contain the secret to his resurrection, and he shall crush this pathetic planet into energon."

"And now, after idling the years of my imprisonment on this single file, I have finally completed my work. And you shall revel in the chaos of Gangnam Style!"

Knock Out wasn't a linguistic expert, so he could only guess that Gangnam Style was Ancient Vosian for Death or Chaos or something.

"Fine, fine! We've already got the Iacon Relics to kill ourselves over, let's add another apocalyptic sub-plot into the mix, it's not like- WHAT IN THE NAME OF PRIMUS?!" he suddenly squealed as an energy field passed over him, causing his limbs to move involuntarily. His peds were jumping up and down, left and right, while his servos were crossed and the wrists flicking- it reminded Knock Out of humans riding those four legged equines of theirs.

"To call forth Unicron, all must partake in the ritual of resurrection!" Trypticon preached, almost purring with deep laughter.

_'Well, I was right about one thing,' _Knock Out thought to himself as Breakdown just shrugged and smiled weakly at him as they both were forced to perform the ridiculous dance. Dreadwing kept his stare icy and ahead, refusing to show any emotion other than hate at being so humiliated. KO glared at his assistant and friend, glancing at the immobIe Soundwave.

"He resisted the energy field, got zapped and hasn't moved since," Breakdown explained as the music of Gangnam Style still droned on.

"I swear, when Megatron gets back-"  
"About that, he's still on that red planet," Breakdown interrupted, now having his legs sweeping across the floor and his servos on his hip joints. Knock Out realised their situation and groaned loudly as he was forced to mirror Breakdown.

_Op, Op Op Op_

_Oppa Gangnam Style_

Before Soundwave was detained he was able to open up a communication line, trying to contact Megatron, but being incapable of all action the line was left open, no password or encryption. A transmission system in the Asia area picked up the line and heard the supposed 'call to Unicron'. He understood the 'Ancient Cybertronian' perfectly and called up a number, holding the receiver to the transmitter speaker.

_"I think we've got a new hit, Psy."_


End file.
